Bob and David

AMAZON ONE-STAR REVIEWS

2010-09-02T21:56:22Z

The following is a compilation of one star reviews I found on Amazon dot com. HUCKLEBERRY FINN * (one star) DIDN'T WORK FOR ME BY MisterEveryman Everyone in my so-called "book club" at work told me I "had to" read this "awesome " "classic". So, I splurged on a library card and gave it a go. I'm sorry to say it was a complete WASTE OF TIME! STAY AWAY FROM THIS BOOK! AAARGHH! "HUCLEBERRY FINN"? More like SUCKleberry SHIT! You should know I looooved Tom Sawyer (as well as it's sequel: Tom Sawyer Abroad" it's better than the prequel!), but SPOILER ALERT! - Tom Sawyer barely appears in this book! What was Mr. Twain thinking? He wasn't! Huckleberry Finn, a nasty character, takes a freed slave down a river in a raft. That’s it. They see some things, almost tip over, blah-de-blah…the end. And it's all written in pitiful childspeak. Was Mr. Twain's keyboard broken? Sad. What was I thinking when I checked this out? I returned it late and had to PAY a FINE! I ripped up my library card as well as the receipt for payment. Yeesh! that was an adventure I never want to relive! SPOILER ALERT FOR YOUR LIFE: Don't listen to your co-workers, even your boss, even if he IS a Lawyer and your uncle. Trust me, you'll thank me. ]]> Francis Ford Coppola's THE GODFATHER ONE-HALF STAR! DIDN'T WORK FOR ME By Joseph Schmoseph I was told by EVERYONE in my FILM CLUB at WORK that I "had to" "see" Francis Coppolo's "GodFather Number One". Why? "Because!!!", they screamed at me, "It won some Oscars"! FOR WHAT? TEDIUM?!! I am heartbroken to have to report that it was PURE CINEMATIC DRIVEL! GIVE ME MY THREE HOURS BACK (I am including the time it took me to make popcorn, make tea, prep - But it FELT LIKE 6 HOURS!) It sucked! Take note, I am a huuuuuuge fan of Godfather's Two and Three (I tend to watch things out of order, I still haven't seen the first "Jaws"!) But #1 represents a serious stumble on the part of the great Coppolo and Puzzo team. It's a mish-mash re-hash of stories that stumble and start and stop and then, suddenly, out of nowhere, at the end, is a MONTAGE of VIOLENCE!! (BTW "montage" is a French derived word for "a filmmaker throwing up his hands and shouting, "I dunno, YOU figure it out!") And what was that baptism stuff about? Was that supposed to SIGNIFY something? I don't think so. Methinks someone's been hittin’ the old vino a bit too hard. The only reason I give it half a star is because it spawned the excellent GODFATHER #3! See that one, miss this one, thank me and you're welcome! THE BEATLES' "WHITE ALBUM" ZERO STARS! Didn't Work For Me By Averagina Normallo I am a GINORMOUS The Beatles fan! I am! I have every one of their albums, including 3 bootlegs! But somehow, after all these years, the one album I'd never gotten around to was this infamous unnamed double set. When a temp at my workplace heard I'd never heard the "White" album, he INSISTED I must hear it immediately and ran down to get it from his car. I couldn't wait to get to my uncle's guesthouse where I am living while he is out of town (I wasn’t allowed to bring my ferret so had to let him go), to plop it into the cd player, eager to hear more "The Beatles" brilliance. All I can say is Fooey! Yikes! My ears almost jumped out of their sockets! What drivel! From the melody-starved "Blackbird" to the pointless Beach Boys rip off Back in the USSR, to the mean-spirited "While My Guitar Gently Weeps", to the what-were-they-thinking-oh-no-they-weren't-thinking-they-were-riffing "Honey Pie" this album aspires to clap-trap. No wonder they refused to put their faces on it!! I only gave it no stars because you can't give things negative 5 stars! I tried to return it the next day, but the temp who lent it to me had prematurely quit, probably thankful he had finally stuck someone with this musical bogey! GALLAGHER VHS BOXED SET ***** (5 star review) WORKED FOR ME!!! By Justlikeyou Mcfee NO ONE recommended this to me, and I had my hopes way-down for it as it was part of a "Secret Santa" event at my soon-to-be-EX place of work, and it had clearly been re-gifted after YEARS of collecting dust (whoever gave it didn't even bother to wipe off the dust!) Furthermore, I have NEVER enjoyed PROP COMEDY, and ALWAYS considered it the LOWEST form of humor. This collection was on it's way to the trash heap when I thought I'd give it just one minute to see if my grandparent's VCR still worked (I am staying at their house while getting back on my feet). Lo and behold a minute turned into five, turned into 20, turned into a three day long binge marathon of viewings and re-viewings!! Hooray! Mr. Gallagher, the brightly togged, handsomely balding, sweetly sour monologist, had me rolling on the floors, up the walls, and across ceilings with his trenchant, pointed, spot on riffs and wildly imaginative splatter spewing props! SPOILER ALERT: Most of his props shoot goopy liquid at the audience. What was America thinking when it let this brand of humor languish in favor of Jerry Seinfeld's meandering, point deprived ruminations?!! More pooping props, I say! It almost made being fired from work when I reenacted some of the sledgeOmatic pranks, but it was worth it. I only gave it 5 stars because you cannot give eighteen million!

I DIRECTED A BUILT TO SPILL VIDEO!

2010-09-01T17:18:25Z

Seriously, READ ON--]]> Doug Martsch and I have been friends for a few years now. The first time I saw BTS was in Paris, opening for the foo fighters. I liked 'em then, but man they've gotten better and better with each album. When Doug asked me if I'd shoot a vid for them I jumped at the chance. The song, "Hindsight" from their latest album is a beauty. Sweet, sad, cool...another really affecting song from one of the best songwriters alive. Doug is a very humble guy, so he's going to hate that I said that about him...but listen to this song! I had the concept of a dance party (in the future) listening to Built To Spill (from now) play the song as a hologram band. So, these oldsters listening are YOU in about 40 years. Hope that's encouraging. We assembled some real dancers, thanks to great help from Brant and Hannah at Warner Brothers! They were game for anything and brought all their skills...check out those spins! Doug and the Band played the song many multiple times at varying speeds. Our lead male dancer, the lonely guy who conjures up a girl from his past to dance with, is a gentleman named GENE DEWALD. Gene is 85 f'ing years old, and he'd be REAL MAD at me for swearing just then, as he is a gentleman. The guy is in incredible shape and a great dancer. The girl from his past who dances with him was the wonderful and extremely generous Laura Panella. Thank you very very much, Laura. You look gorgeous. Al Levine edited it. Fantastic job, Al. And the Memorator is the remote control that operates the ceiling fan in my bedroom. Thanks Doug and everyone for letting me make this bit of magic as a backdrop to this beautiful song. I hope you like it.

Cool SHORT film/video

2010-08-29T21:29:50Z

My friend, Noaz Deshe, made this great short film for the group Dead Man's Bones...lots of feeling, beautifully shot, a great song...check it.

QUEERTRACKER - GREAT NEW SHOW

2010-07-08T22:40:51Z

Tags: Atom.com,Atom Originals,Atom Blog,Upload Videos

]]> What an action packed show - with packages and action and everything.

Mr Show Flashback Rewind Rememberer

2010-07-08T18:50:34Z

David and Bill O Reilly agree on something

2010-07-08T18:28:20Z

]]> David sent me this video about a 5 days ago, and yesterday it was O Reilly's featured comedy moment. What the hell is going on? These are the end times for certain.

ALARMING WARNING INSUFFICIENTLY INFORMATIVE!!

2010-06-12T00:26:25Z

This video warning, while of great import, raises more questions than it answers. I've watched it 3 times, and am left wondering; I am a citizen of California, am I in danger? Will the quake be powerful? Will it destroy]]> any houses? What about telephone poles, are they safe? Will they get knocked over? Should I get a medical kit? Should I get it "ready"? How safe is the Golden Gate Bridge? What if I try to get away from it by going to Arizona, Nevada, Utah, or Colorado? What about escaping to Montana, or Idaho or everything? Will it happen around September 20? Will the quake be a 9.0 percent? Will it destroy any kind of transformers, or all kinds of transformers? Should I have my everything ready? How about flashlights and everything? and lastly, should I have a nice day?

"No Child Left With A Big Behind" is a terrible name for a government program

2010-05-02T21:25:30Z

He would NEVER jeopardize his standing as America's premiere joke-meister, most beloved yuckleberry, on such an obviously leaden "turn of phrase". So, first of all, THANK YOU Mr. Leno for being BRAVE enough to mix in some truth with the comedy. Few are willing to do so. Bill Hicks is smiling. But now that Jay has called attention to this fact, what are we going to do about it? The First Lady needs to know this is a horrible name for a government program. It belittles the challenges that obese children face. It's unimaginatively close to the previous president's "No Child Left Behind" program of educational standards (a program that has not been an overwhelming success, someone might want to tell her). And it is just plain undignified for our country to have an official government program with the word "Behind" in it, referencing a person's posterior. It's crude, it's clumsy, it sends the wrong signal to children about how to talk about body and body image issues, and it's not funny (if that's what the first lady was going for with it). Let's all sign petitions, let's make phone calls, let's start websites, and let's get a new name for this important mission. And thank you, Mr. Leno, for daring to NOT tell a joke, to willingly crash what good will you had going, to alert us to this horribly unfunny situation.

LISTEN TO THIS MAN - HE WANTS WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU! (an appreciation)

2010-02-26T16:01:45Z

This is, perhaps, the most impactful piece of advertising I have ever encountered. The announcer genuinely wants us to embrace the product, more than that; he NEEDS us to need the product, NOW...]]> his commitment is total, his desire overwhelming him. I feel in fear of my life if I do not purchase the shoe-dini in question as soon as is humanly possible. I am stricken with a great wave of unease by the knowledge that I am now, at this moment, utterly shoe-dini-less, and will remain so until said implement arrives in the mail, and that thought makes me wish for a swifter mail service to ease my feelings of existential nausea. Plus, if you didn't notice, the announcer is rhyming a lot.

A MR. SHOW FLASHBACK REWIND REMEMBERER

2010-01-29T20:12:00Z

...must write...something

2010-01-29T19:47:56Z

But I am now making this pledge...ONCE A MONTH! Do you hear that, David? Once a month I will write something, or maybe just post a picture of a dying tree. Loathe as I am to blog about anything, here goes; I am developing a pilot for FX, I reprised my role as "Saul Goodman" in the third season of "Breaking Bad" - really fun to be a part of that, I helped engineer a pilot on MTV for the great and hilarious John Roberts, and I wrote some movies and half-wrote some others...with more to come. And today I made a pastrami sandwich and a turkey sandwich for my kids to throw out at school.

A BOOK TO GET FOR XMAS...besides David's, which you already have.

2009-11-22T05:56:40Z

This is that great book of interviews with comedy writers, including BOB, that is really smart and informative and entertaining...except for Bob's, which is sort of the same old crap. But seriously, otherwise it's really good. And you have David's book already, right? Come on...get with the program. JUST TAP HERE.

BRUCE ROBINSON, one of my favorite writer/directors, NOVEMBER 17!

2009-11-04T23:58:09Z

CHECK IT OUT HERE. HOWEVER, BRUCE WILL STILL BE THERE, SHOWING THIS GREAT GREAT MOVIE. Bruce also wrote "The Killing Fields" and wrote and directed "How To Get Ahead in Advertising", in addition, he acted in Franco Zeffirelli's classic ]]> version of "Romeo and Juliet". He's written many, many films. He's been beaten and bloodied but never bowed by the "industry". He's The Shit in a world where most stuff is just shit. This will sell out fast and you'll someday be able to tell people you were in a room with a great artist.

ARE YOU PLANNING ON ACTING IN A HOAX?! Learn from the best!

2009-10-20T03:53:32Z

THE REVIEWS ARE IN! RICHARD HEENE--the mastermind behind the BELOVED WORLDWIDE PHENOMENON of BALLOON BOY--and his wife met in an acting class and it sure must have worked, because none other than JIM ALDERDEN - the sheriff of Larimer County gave them five stars when he said that they, " put on a very good show for us and we bought it." Are you PLANNING ON ACTING IN A HOAX? DO YOU WANT TO PUT ON A "VERY GOOD SHOW"? Then it's time to consider PETER ALMONDINI'S ACTING FOR HOAXES!! Peter Almondini (credits below**) has been teaching acting for hoaxes for...]]> The Tawana Brawley Mystery, According To Jim, Robert Blake's Gun That He Left Behind at the Bar, and the Blues Brothers 2000! Peter will teach you techniques on; "How To Act Surprised", How to Tell When They Are Filming You, and "How to Act Insulted When They Accuse You of Being A Hoaxer"! Did you know that acting began with Hoaxes? Shakespeare's first three plays were hoaxes meant to prank people into believing he was a famous playwright! He never even wrote them! Peter will show you how to create a hoax that's just right for you and that will land you that perfect reality TV series that can launch your BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE CAREER, just like superstar Morgan Freeman did when he claimed to have been THE FIRST BLACK MAN to have seen the Loch Ness Monster!! All your favorite actors began by pulling hoaxes! Jack Nicholson was the famous "Man stuck in a well" in Midland Texas in 1972! Kenneth Branagh famously was the "Boy Stuck In An Attic for 2 years!" which got him a blue ribbon ticket to the Royal Academy of British Acting! You can do it, too! Make your dreams come true! * Peter Hestus Almondini has appeared as "Guest" in 12 wedding videos in 5 states, his picture has been taken (in character) over 42 times, he has Danced in "the Hokey Pokey" at least 12 times, and he has performed 5 toasts at weddings. Peter's special skills include; fluent in all American dialects, photography, has 50 pairs of shoes, swimming in shallow water (up to 5 feet), certified to operate dry cleaning machine, eats up to 5 meals a day, trivia, bike riding, recycling, can operate a whisk.

THAT'S RIGHT, BITCHES - THE NO-FUCKING-BEL! Obama's first draft

2009-10-15T23:17:07Z

a new prize they just started giving out! Ha and Ha! You assholes. Eat my shit, you loads. Oh, and God bless America. Yours, President Barack Obama