I remember debating for a good three seconds over whether or not I should participate. But then your nephews looked up at you through their sickly, polluted eyes and scratched out on their chalkboards, "pleeze doo moovy". How could I say no? Besides, Patton, Brian, Bob and you were all supposed to spend a week in Patton's new undersea luxury bubble getting your intestinal tracts waxed (it's the latest craze!) and that shit takes money!
Trust me, after you appeared as "Penis Jupiter" in "Deuce Bigelow - South African Freedom Fighter Gigolo" there's nothing left to explain away anymore. There is no more place for you to not have a leg to stand on. I know that you felt like you might have been a bit of a hypocrite for doing Alvin because you supposedly rail against cultural garbage in your stand-up, but soon you will remember that doing Alvin isn't remotely the same thing as what you talk about in your stand-up. Beside, as you continue to impatiently explain, it brought joy to millions of kids who otherwise would have spent that time watching their Dads watch Clemson play Auburn in the Chik-Fil-A Peach Bowl. And keep in mind they don't know or care about your politics. Oh, and you did a pretty decent job if I do say so yourself.
Look, here's the deal, you are going to end up doing a whole bunch of shit that's not brilliant. You are also going to do some pretty smart, unique stuff as well. You will have a pretty good creative run by the time you are forced into retirement. Your second blog will win a "Huffy" and your one-man show exploring Billy Crystal's one-man show will re-invent intermissions. Also, not to give everything away, but in 2011 you and Bob will finally get one of your scripts filmed! It's called, "Internet Shminternet!!" and it is a delightful send-up of the internet and some of the fun stuff out there. Remember Chris Crocker? That annoying fame whore fag who fake cried his way to a three picture deal? How about the video of Brittany Spears pissing herself during her pay-per-view special, "Brittany Spears Pisses Herself"? It's got a lot of spoofs and sarcastabouts. AND your line of "fun" tea kettles will win an Emmy! Just don't sweat the small stuff is what I'm getting at here. Nobody really truly gives a shit about it. You're being more than a little vain if you think they do. And if they really, truly do care and you really truly care that they care, then you can drive down to Best Buy and hash it out with them in person (and don't forget to take a look at their screenplay that's almost finished. It's kind of like "Kill Bill" meets "Kill Bill Vol. 2 but waaaay radder). Also, just so you know, you and Patton will remain good friends. Although when Fox buys Pixar and makes "Alvin and The Chipmunks vs. Ratatouille - The Reckoning" things will get a little hairy for awhile. (No pun intended!!!!)

*Because of the futurepast glasses I/you ordered from SkyMall a couple of years ago. And yes, they really do work!